“Pino is the first pleasure object ever created to satisfy the hedonistic sexual cravings and excesses exhibited by members of the financial world,” reads copy written by people still trapped in the 80s, somewhere between 9 1/2 Weeks and The Bonfire of the Vanities. The government bailouts, the foreclosure crisis, the resulting Occupy movement — none of these things exist in their suspended reality.

The Roxxxy sex robot companion raises profound questions about our relationships to one another and to technology. There’s an obvious conversation we could have about how interacting with a sex robot encourages people to view other people as machines which are ultimately there to serve their own needs. But there’s another lens we can use, which can lead us down an unexpected path, because this device raises many core questions about the development of technology — in a more intimate way than you might expect.

According to LELO, the design-conscious sex toy manufacturer, in the weeks before a major sporting event, four out of five purchases on their site are made by men. This is a big contrast to other times during the year, when purchases for the Swedish luxury pleasure brand are pretty even between men and women. Purchases by men hit 88 percent before the Champions League finals and are predicted to go even higher in preparation for the World Cup.

Traditionally, the butt plug has been used to stimulate the rectum for sexual pleasure, but Florida artist Fernando Sosa wants to repurpose it as a tool of dissent. A week ago, Sosa unleashed on the world a plug based on Russia’s president, Vladimir Putin. Initially, Sosa wanted to use his 3-D printer to make a voodoo doll, but he determined that casting Putin as an object representative of the thing he considers most corrosive to Russian society was the better bet.

Understandably, the notion of bringing the high-end and design-conscious Jimmyjane brand under the same roof as Pipedream’s gaudy and affordable wares seems disastrous, but before you tweet “there goes the neighborhood,” consider the range of consumer needs that Diamond has effectively positioned itself to satisfy. Further, in investing in these companies, Brookstone is sending a message about the growing importance and acceptance of the sex toy industry.

I wasn’t cybering long before it occurred to me that one day, we’d be able to connect sex toys to our computers and actually feel one another. I’ve held on to this idea, looking over every technological and pleasure offering for some twenty years, watching the pieces fall into place, getting closer and closer. We’re so close now, I can almost taste it.

Maybe your schedules don’t coincide right now. Or maybe he’s on business a lot these days. Or maybe you are. Whatever the situation, there is no reason for a woman to miss out in waking in the manner to which she has become accustomed. Introducing the Little Rooster ($69.00), because nothing says “cock-a-doodle-doo!” like an alarm cock — err — an alarm clock that pleasures you awake.

The RealTouch, a device that transforms scenes on your computer screen into stimulation you can experience, has decided to discontinue its product in the face of increasing licensing fees and manufacturing costs. This is a shame. The RealTouch was monumental: using a combination of conveyor belts, heating coils and other parts, the RealTouch changed the heat, wetness, friction and squeezing based on the sort of porn you tuned into. It was a leap into the future for self-pleasure for men. We’re sad to see it go.

Andy Warhol once joked that dying was the most embarrassing thing that could happen to anyone and a recent column on the New York Times agrees. “Eradicator” is the word for someone who goes in after you’re gone and disappears your pleasure chest. I’d probably make an excellent eradicator, since there is very little that would shock me. But while I know what to do with magazines and DVDs, I don’t really know what to do with old sex toys — can you recycle them? That question was harder to answer than I anticipated.

Mileage most certainly varies, but the current dictum of “sexy all the things!” has resulted in some rather universal hilarity in the realm of Halloween costumes. A few week ago, we did a round-up of the weirdest sexifications in the name of Halloween costuming. But what happens when the trend is reversed? What happens when you Halloween all the sexy? This post contains a lot of cock. And not all of it is human.