Noms

Looking over 900,000 reviews on the popular restaurant review website Yelp, researchers found an interesting trend among positive postings: the more expensive the restaurant, the more reviews used sex-related words and imagery in their reviews, such as “orgasmic,” “seductive,” “hedonistic,” “sex,” “sinful,” “sultry.” Why do you suppose that is?

Like a weird self-fulfilling prophesy, Cosmo rule-34’d the bakery and the nation followed. The comments on its most recent article about spicing up sex with a doughnut suggest that a number of women and men out there are very interested — and some have already tried it. I believe it. But then, the last time I was surprised by food and sex was in 2011, when “what is the best sandwich to have sex with” became one of my site’s top queries.

From a corporate token of good-will to a symbol of romantic interest, there are few occasions chocolate won’t serve you well. Granted, the following shapes probably won’t prove as versatile. Or maybe they will — there is something very corporate about assholes.

Adult performer and The Canyons star James Deen has been working on a web food porn series with the digital adult studio WoodRocket since the beginning of the year. There’s nothing really pornographic about it — James Deen Loves Food, which usually runs between five and 10 minutes, features Deen procuring, making and eating his way around Los Angeles. This week, Deen set out to McDonald’s, all geared up to explore its menu until a manager killed the fun — and the $89 order.

The other day, we discovered a bizarre bit of American trivia that we just can’t leave alone: the candle salad. This “salad” consists of stacking some pineapple slices, putting a banana through them and topping it with a cherry. We thought it was a joke at first — until we found it in the 1957 edition of Betty Crocker’s Cookbook for Boys and Girls. “It’s better than a candle, because you can eat it!”

Ali Carter in a whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues. We can’t remember what the movie was about, but we will never forget the whipped cream bikini. It looks awkward now, laughable. We’ve graduated from cherry-nipples and a huge triangle-shaped covering down there. Lucky for us, whipped cream has graduated, too.

The internets run on bacon. This we know. What we also know is that the obsession has engendered a variety of products, from bacon-flavored lip balm to bacon-flavored vodka. In view of this and the apparent fascination with mixing food with sex, we weren’t surprised to encounter the following item: bacon-flavored lubricant.

Mix the simple syrup with the moonshine and ginger and shake with ice. Muddle raspberries and drop them into a flute, along with a few rose petals. Strain moonshine into the glass.

You don’t have to add “in bed” to the end of the fortune in the cookie any longer. Introducing Spam Fortune Cookies — and no, they’re not made out of SPAM. Allow them to explain themselves for your benefit: A wise man once said: ‘The best advice you can get is the advice you don’t…continue reading.

Brooks Bayne is a typical L.A. slasher: he’s an entrepreneur, technologist and conservative thinker who spends most of his time poking fun of liberals and satirizing popular culture on Twitter. His antics have garnered the Tennessee transplant over 100,000 followers on the popular social media platform — and he’s going strong. We like him because…continue reading.