Cheating Women: The “New” Infidelity

Since we’re on a roll with cheating here at Sex and the 405, we thought we would bring up this oldie but goodie from Details magazine, which explores the cheating habits of the human female:

“There are a lot of reasons why women cheat now, and the simplest is that they can,” says Diane Shader Smith, the author of Undressing Infidelity: Why More Women Are Unfaithful. “Nowadays women have jobs. And if they’re home, there are gardeners, there are pool men. They have opportunities and they feel empowered.” They also feel sexual. And while your prowess with a Dyson is commendable, it’s hardly titillating.

Make no mistake: Women can be just as driven as men are in pursuit of a fling.

“Women have become, in many ways, as predatory as men,” says Judith Brandt, the author of The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette. And the prey is abundant. We grew up with the bejesus scared out of us by Anjelica Huston in Crimes and Misdemeanors and Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. The libido-withering moral was clear: It’s just not worth it, man. But where’s the male equivalent? Your wife’s potential playmate probably has no interest in annexing your emotional territory.

And he’s accessible: Today’s wife knows nothing of the isolation of her mid-century counterpart. She has Internet chat rooms and cell phones. She has personal trainers, yoga instructors, and mommy groups.

And here’s another one from their archives that we found amusing — “Look Who’s Sleeping With Your Wife”:

If you think your wife is going about her daily routine—exercising, working, shopping, taking the kids to after-school activities—without encountering guys who want to sleep with her, you’re delusional. She’s being hit on all the time. Take the yoga instructor. He’s the modern equivalent of Warren Beatty in Shampoo, and his core strength—and genuine way with your wife’s Kundalini—isn’t lost on her. Then there’s that brooding, troubled ex she gets a drink with every now and then. This guy makes her feel needed—in a way that’s very different from the way you do when you get home from work and tell her all about your lousy day. The other men she interacts with daily—the stay-at-home dad down the block whose daughter is friends with yours, the boss who so generously gives her flexible hours, the twentysomething soccer coach who looks at her like she’s a 21st-century Anne Bancroft—have a hold on her affection simply because they’re around when you’re not. And what all of these men have in common is that they present a refreshing alternative to, well, you.

“I see more women who cheat than men,” says Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart. Barash estimates that close to 60 percent of married women have had extramarital sex.

“With men’s affairs, it tends to be not enough sex—with women it tends to be not enough attention and interaction,” Tessina says. According to [Susan Shapiro Barash, the author of A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs That Make or Break Their Marriages], most women feel an “unrelenting need for romance and excitement.” And they’re not getting them in the half-hour they spend flipping through magazines while you watch The Daily Show every night after the kids go to bed.

Panicking yet boys? Considered the playing field leveled. You’re welcome.

Image and articles from Details.