National Enquirer: Obama Cheating Scandal

And because we continue to expect our politicians to not be human, we’re all really surprised to learn that President Barack Obama may have been involved with a former campaign aide.

Per the National Enquirer, “a confidential investigation has learned that Obama first became close to gorgeous 35 year-old Vera Baker in 2004 when she worked tirelessly to get him elected to the US Senate, raising millions in campaign contributions.”

Baker has insisted nothing occurred between her and Obama, but “anti-Obama operatives” don’t buy it and are more than willing to pay over a million dollars to anyone who will come forward and say otherwise. There also appears to be a surveillance tape from the night of the alleged rendezvous in 2004 that people are looking to get their hands on.

Because, you know, that will prove there was an affair.

We think this whole thing is a waste of time — unless this surveillance tape turns out to be a sex tape, in which case our editrix will make us get it for her personal collection, so we hope not. Even so, we’re kind of glad that we live in such a gossip-mongering culture that “anti-presidential operatives” would much rather pay limo drivers for info than actually put a hit on the head of state.

Image from TMZ. Information from The National Enquirer.