Tritium that gets into the body is able to release beta particles, which are prone to altering our cells in nasty ways, resulting in cancer, mutation and death. But there is a way to reduce exposure: basically, feel free to begin calling your drunken hookups your “decontamination protocol.”

Porn consumption has received a fair amount of attention in the media, but unfortunately, so far the conversation has only managed to divide people. One camp sees porn as a social blight and the other sees it as a legitimate form of entertainment that’s being unnecessarily attacked by a hysterical minority. In conversations like these, it’s very easy to miss the nuance, which we need.

Mixed martial artist Michael Waylon Lowe is suing the sex aids company Kama Sutra after a night of pleasure went horribly wrong. The complaint involves Kama Sutra’s Prolonging Gel Pleasure Balm, the use of which has — according to the lawsuit — resulted in penile scarring, loss of sensation and function, and nerve and tissue damage.

Bill Gates just isn’t satisfied with the progress that’s been made in the condom department, so he’s offering $100,000 to anyone that can come up with a more satisfying way to glove the love. The primary drawback, he agrees, is that condoms are less pleasurable than bareback sex, which makes their use inconsistent. Do you have what it takes to design the next generation of condoms, save lives and improve sex for all? Click.

Well, if anyone ever wondered why scientists hate to speak to people in the media, now we know for sure. Yesterday, Bloomberg ran a piece about pubic lice titled “Brazilian Bikini Waxes Make Crab Lice Endangered Species” that might have been brilliant (because: pubes!) except it wasn’t. Not even a little bit. In fact, the authors of the article never get around to corroborating this claim.

We’ve all heard what happens to athletes who don’t abstain from sex before the match: they lose. We don’t know how we know or when we first heard it, but we know it and somehow, it seems to make sense. Is it true? The media has been having a field day with this question, especially after digging up a review from the Clinical Journal of Sport Medicine from 2000 (um, slow news day?). We can’t be sure they actually read it, given their conclusions.