Getting Married? Go To Vegas, Bachelor!

OK, so you’re getting married. Vegas is right next door — why not? Our buddies over at CasinoGuide have some activities for you to consider. Our top five:

Marry a Stripper
Face it, the little lady back home is a shrew. “Blah blah blah equality”. “Blah blah blah me me me”. Ditch the bitch. Las Vegas is full of strippers with hearts of gold. They cook, they are sweet, and they take their clothes off for money so that you don’t have to get a job. What more could you want in a spouse?

Gamble All of Your Money Away
The less money you have, the less it will hurt to lose half. Liquidate your assets, and piss it all away. If your fiance is mad when you get home, then she just wanted you for your money anyway. When she leaves you at the altar, get a ride back to Vegas and marry a stripper with a heart of gold.

Hire a Really Hot Nanny
Most of our faux-rich residents are now upside-down on their homes, which means that hot nannies have flocked to stripper poles in droves. Just because you don’t find the spouse of your dreams at the local nudie bar doesn’t mean that you can’t take her home. Think of the children.

Sleep In
When your wife has a career and children, society will regard her as “Super Woman”. When you have a career and children, society will still regard you as a lazy asshole.

Now get up and mow the lawn.

Asshole.

Two Chicks, No Cups
Escorts/strippers/ho’s are like potato chips. You can’t just eat one. Scratch that, for the sake of your own health you should never eat any of the above, but there is no good reason that you can’t pay the potato chips to eat each other. Food for thought.

Photo by AV Flox. Exceprt from CasinoGuide. If you can’t tell this is supposed to be a humorous article, then we really don’t know what to tell you. Even our editrix thought this was funny and she never laughs — like, ever. Unless a tank is running over a Prius or something.