How to Wake up with A Stupid Grin

Waking up most days isn’t a lot of fun. If there is one thing we all share is that special dread of the sound of our alarm clocks, ringing in a new day. Well, no longer. Introducing the Little Rooster ($69.00), because nothing says “cock-a-doodle-doo!” like an alarm cock — excuse me — an alarm clock that pleasures you awake.

Yeah, you read that right.

When it first hit the media in 2011, the Little Rooster was a cool $108.00 and their online shop ran through their inventory faster than our eager fingers could put in an order. And why wouldn’t it, given it was the world’s first-ever alarm clock vibrator?

Here’s how it works: you position it so the flat end rests on your mons pubis, with the narrow, elongated end gently resting against your clit and labia. Assuming you’re not one of those kicking types, the Little Rooster will begin waking you up when the time comes.

I say “begin waking you up” because this alarm clock is similar to others on the market that operate not at a specific time, but within a time window, ensuring you’re not roused abruptly. This isn’t just the mark of a pampered generation — science shows that waking up at the wrong time during a sleep cycle could induce a heart attack! So, really, when you look at it that way — heart attack versus clitoral stimulation — it really starts looking like a no-brainer, even if you occasionally give a kick or two in the night.

Of course, if you’re still worried about that, here:

(I’m sure with a gift like this you can get away with stuffing an IOU with the estimated delivery date into that special someone’s stocking.)