On the eve of the new millennium, a band called the Bloodhound Gang released a song called “The Bad Touch” that had an earworm of a chorus we won’t soon forget: “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.” The song reduced the often complex human courtship ritual into images of animals mounting one another freely and joyfully on the savanna.
Despite the efforts of a decade of science writers and incredible shows that take us right into the mating rituals of all kinds of animals, many of our contemporaries still seem to believe that it’s easier for the animals who don’t have to deal with issues of consent and mixed signals.
To help clarify the misconception, I bring you I Wanna Date You Like An Animal, a hilarious comic from Leigh Cowart and Jeannette Langmead,
which presents examples such as red velvet mites, the argonaut, and frogs.
Langmead, it bears noting, is also author of the Animal Penis Activity Book, an exquisite belated holiday gift if ever there was such a thing. And a steal, at only $5.00!
Of course, if that’s not enough for you, there’s always Eight Animal-Based Sex Positions Other than Doggy Style.
And if you still want more, check out Wild Sex — a show about getting it on, animal-style, presented by my friend Carin Bondar. Both seasons are currently available to watch on YouTube right here.
Basically, next time someone says they want to fuck you like an animal, be sure to ask which. It matters.