So Many Edible Pleasures, Served

From a corporate token of good-will to a symbol of romantic interest, there are few occasions chocolate won’t serve you well. Granted, the following shapes probably won’t prove as versatile. Or maybe they will — there is something very corporate about assholes.

Chocolate Vulvas

A popular treat on university campuses the nation over, chocolate vulvas — often incorrectly referred to as chocolate vaginas — are often sold or distributed to draw attention to events such as Women’s History Month and Sex Week. Idaho-based Dream Chocolates sells these in different flavors, both as vulva-shaped bars or vulva-pops, to be purchased individually or in bulk. A large chocolate vulva starts at $55.00, with a bulk order of 200 running $399.00. The smaller pops are $55.00 for fifty units.

Chocolate Penises

Created by sensualist Angelica de Millet and brought to life by the Barcelona-based chocolatier Enric Rovira come eight inches of dark chocolate filled with with decadent oozings such as vanilla rum banana, strawberry rose, and Poire Williams hazelnut. Prices for these highly-textured chocolate penises start at $132.00. Those buying outside the European Union will probably have to contact the manufacturers (who work under the delightfully twisted name United Indecent Pleasures) to figure out if an order is limited by permits or customs.

(The company, it bears noting, released a video about a month ago, and while I seem to understand what it is trying to convey, it’s odd that it would employ the sort of casual racist and homophobic microagressions that it does. I imagine it’s meant to convey to viewers the type of women we’re seeing on the screen, but wonder if the same couldn’t have been achieved in some other way.)

Chocolate Anuses

And then there’s the nice, bite-sized piece of asshole. Touted as “The Anus That Made Britain Great” (really, there was only one?), Edible Anus chocolates come in boxes of three featuring pieces in milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate. The concept hit London in 2006, when the artist Magnus Irvin created a series of chocolate anuses to present at an exhibition. He had attempted to cast himself for this, but the results were a disaster regardless what he tried. It so happened that ranting about his failure at a bus stop with a stranger would change his life — and ours. She offered up her asshole and the rest is history.

“We also believe the anus range can dissolve cultural boundaries of race, gender, class, and sexual orientation,” the product description reads. “So spread the joy, and let’s teach the world to LOVE EACH OTHER & LOVE THE ANUS.” A pack of five boxes (each containing three edible anuses) costs $38.95.

Chocolate vulva image by Paul Kohler. All other images courtesy of their respective manufacturers.