Dr. Seuss, But For Sex

A little book about sex inspired by Dr. Seuss is making the internet rounds. Before you panic, allow us to remind you that this is not a book being handed out on street corners to children, but one that resides online with so little SEO as to render it impossible to stumble upon unless someone has a direct link.

Having gotten that out of the way, allow us to introduce you to Now That You’re Big by Simon Greiner, a hysterical combination of wordplay and images in the style of Dr. Seuss. Here’s a little gem from its pages:

You can wank on a boat
You can wank on a ball

You can wank at your school
You can wank in the hall

Oh the places you’ll wank
You’ll wank most everywhere

Sending icky sticky spunk
Flying up in the air

While incredibly amusing, we think the book could have benefited from a little more attention to the joys of masturbation and sexual expression for girls. A commenter makes a critique of the book content on the site itself, “The section for guys reinforces the idea that it’s ok to ogle girls, and masturbate. The section for girls is all about ‘be careful because you might be pregnant.'” We didn’t see the section about sex as the “girl” section, but didn’t like that women were left out of the narrative except to mention that one “may manage a squirt.” We think the critique is definitely something the author should consider, along with creating a coffee table book for those of us who tend to gravitate to such clever oddities.