What’s It Like to Have a Huge Penis?

Apr 18, 2014 • Culture, Hollywoody

Jonah Falcon has a 13.5 inch penis

Most of what 29-year-old Jonah Falcon had done up to the moment he shocked America on an HBO documentary had been hard-earned. But the one thing that got him notoriety was something nature arbitrarily bestowed on him: an enormous penis. While he showed incredible promise as a student, Falcon wanted to be an actor and, despite getting a number of parts before the media got wind of his endowment, Falcon wouldn’t come to the public’s attention until 1999, when he appeared in a documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed alongside the porn star Lexington Steele and other men out and proud about their penis sizes. The appearance got him a lot of buzz, culminating in several media appearances and a Rolling Stone magazine profile in 2003.

Penis size is a frequent topic of conversation, but if you have ever wondered about the sexual mechanics of having a huge penis, that profile will prove an illuminating read for you:

Sex is different for a man with a 13.5-inch penis. Jonah Falcon can receive oral sex while lying on his stomach, suck himself (“I haven’t since I was eighteen”) and penetrate his own anus. His ejaculations, rather than flying eruptions, are events of massive dribble.

He has never been able to insert more than nine of his 13.5 inches inside a woman. Blow jobs hurt because at this width, teeth are inevitable. Falcon takes between fifteen and thirty minutes to generate a full erection, but can perform at half-mast without a woman realizing much difference.

Men brave enough to ask Falcon about his penis often feel compelled to tell him what they would do with such a gift. The riffs are all alike: The men would fuck every girl in the country; walk around nude all the time; wear the skimpiest. Speed to the beach and thrust their bulging package into the faces of tanning women. They often tell Falcon, “Man, I’d give anything to see you ram my girlfriend,” and Falcon wonders about this, about why they might want to see their women hurt.

Because he is capable of plowing and splitting, Falcon has learned to make love differently; in essence, to rely less on his penis. When he was younger, he would push until he could penetrate no further, often hurting his partner and ruining the mood. With experience, he says, he learned to use angles, massage interiors, stroke rather than bang. He calls upon his mouth as much as his penis, sometimes taking hours to kiss, lick, rub and masturbate his partner before his penis ever makes an appearance. “I get the impression that other guys don’t do that,” says Falcon. “I have to do that. And it works.”

In the profile, we’re told that Falcon had set a world record with his 13.5-inch penis and that he was still working to get a foothold in the entertainment industry. Whatever happened to him? In 2010, Buck Wolf reported that despite his talent (genital and otherwise), the then-40-year-old hadn’t been able to find much work. Buck reported that Falcon had gone back to living with his mother to save on rent — a sad reality shared by a number of creatives following the economic downturn.

Things were pretty rough between 2007 and last year according to Falcon’s Internet Movie Database profile, which lists a single appearance in 2007 and then nothing until an uncredited part in the TV show Zero Hour in 2013. But before the downturn really hit, Falcon appeared in a number of notable films — A Beautiful Mind in 2001, The Good Shepherd in 2006 and Across the Universe in 2007.

Always a nerd, Falcon didn’t have difficulty busying himself between roles. He became a regular on the Gaming Podcast in 2011, and he’s still there talking about technology and gaming every Thursday. He’s also active on the gaming blog Strategy Informer, and on Twitter, where you can see him fielding not-so-humble brags from people about who really has the biggest cock.

While not opposed to sex work, Falcon still refuses to take the porn route to Hollywood.

Header image by Marcin Wichary.