Nourishing Hedonism

There are two things our American culture taints, and therefore brands: sex and food. We are one of the most conservative, precautious cultures, and it manifests in our bedrooms and our food system, blanketing our libidos and over-salting our plates. Numbing our appetites. While brining ourselves in this stage of economic heat, we should stop conforming to synthetic standards just to become more obsessed with either breaking or abiding by them. We should let fresh ideas roll off and into our mind, hearts, and tongues, and start exploring the possibilities of liberated pleasure.

In the 19th century, an American, vegetarian, and dietary reformist named Sylvester Graham doctored up some wheat and molasses to cure masturbation. Ta-da, the flat, brown, very anti-phallic graham cracker was born. He believed a diet heavy in bland foods would keep our dicks in our pants, thus preventing degenerative diseases.

You know those Kellogg’s corn flakes you eat in the morning? They were originally concocted by Mr. John Harvey Kellogg himself, a follower of Graham, as a dietary remedy for sexual excitement. So if you ingest and invest in these common isle 9 gems and ever want to get a hardon again, you better sprinkle your cereal with some drippy looking oysters. Kellogg supposedly even had his nurse administer a daily enema to “detox.” Ironically, this penetrated his anus, filling the void. Cheater. These men preferred these suppressive carbohydrate products to pure meats, eggs, sugars, alcohol, anything perhaps of taste. Special K, anyone?

In 17th and 18th century Europe, Europeans were deflowering artichokes, ripping off their tender leaves to expose and eat the soft heart center for aphrodisiac purposes. In even earlier ages, the Aztecs were drinking massive amounts of liquid chocolate to their belief that it would prepare their bodies for massive orgies. The ancient Greeks ended their days by sucking the femininely pink insides out of delicate figs. The Italians were just short of flat-out fucking their food. Oh, and the Romans were banging each other in the Vomitoriums. These societies were loving the sexy hand food dealt their culture, not dismissing it in favor of wheat germ and soft core applesauce. Not to mention these maniacs drank wine all day long. And still do.

Food and sex ensure a culture’s survival. Our society is still fairly conservative when it comes to sex; it condemns many things taboo. However, this unorthodoxy seemingly arouses us and just causes ignorance and pre-ejaculation. Here are a few reasons why our culture needs to be fucked really hard:

Today, Americans are dealing with a perverse culture of mass food manufacturers (who are obviously taking out their sexual frustrations on our food) who make over-processed food home to E.verything Coli. Our food is becoming systematically cookie-cutter and is produced so that farms don’t raise livestock anymore, they just raise food. There is no sensual, story-telling tangibility to our food. The nudity is missing. Variety is the spice of life, and we have none in our grocery stores due to big name manufacturers monopolizing every recognizable label.

We nourish our bodies, our baby making machines, with this stuff. Until our food becomes honest again and Americans start taking more of an interest in what they consume, then we are fucked. And not in the good way. We are deliriously bored considering our over-stimulated, constipated American lifestyle. Is the only way to overcome this to give ourselves a morning enema filled with mojo?

To get past first base we must accept that pleasure is not always a derivative of guilt, especially when it comes to eating and sex. May exploiting our numbed tastebuds and taking pride in our pleasure permit us to choose and enjoy a fine piece of grass-fed meat, pink in the center.

Brooke Newberry is a Taurus and pleasure seeker from North Carolina. She has eaten her way through Europe and is now ravenously swallowing the southern coast of California, pursuing pleasure in all the dusty corners of the world — especially those in the kitchen. She gets off on feeding people and food porn is her favorite genre. Her motto is to be satiated — in the belly, in the bedroom, and in life.

Image by epSos.de.