So You Wanna Pay for Pussy? Step 2: How much is that pussy in the window?

You’ve done your homework, you’ve searched the ads on Craigslist, Backpage or any of a slew of hooker message boards and you’re just captivated by those lace-clad boobs staring back at you from the screen. So how much should you pay for pussy?

If ya have to ask, you can’t afford it.

Truth is, you can find many lovely ladies at all service levels in all price ranges. But, in my considered professional opinion, you always get what you pay for.

When the topic of price comes up on hobbyist discussion boards (and it always does) someone is bound to trot out the tired old analogies. They compare hookers to cars, to meals, to stores. All of that misses the mark. And it’s insulting to boot. They always say something along the lines of “well, whaddaya want? A Lexus or a Toyota? A burger or a Porterhouse? Wal-Mart or Tifanny’s?” I mean really. You’re actually going to compare a girl to meat? And you wonder why they think you’re crass. As an aside, I’ll just note that while I have known hookers named Lexus and Tiffany, I have to this date never met one named Porterhouse.

You’re not buying a product, you’re contracting with someone to provide an extremely intimate personal service.

OK, dollars and cents. As a general rule, girls advertising on Craigslist or Humaniplex tend to be the lower end of the spectrum. Usually in the $100 to $150 range. You’ll find some for a bit more, a bit less, but that’s the general range. For your hundred bucks, you’re usually going to get limited service. It’ll tend to be the get in/get off/get out type of service. Often, these are the girls that are working out of some slightly seedy chain motel in the Valley. They’re the high volume providers. Clock watchers? Hell yeah. They may say that the fee is for the half hour service, but you’ll be outta there within 12 minutes of dropping trou. If that’s what you want… if that’s what you think the experience is all about… then that’s what you’re gonna get for a hundred bucks.

Once you move up to review sites like The Erotic Review or Eros.com you’re moving into a pricier neighborhood. But you can expect greatly improved levels of service.

When you start getting into the $300-$600 range, you’ll be more likely spending time with ladies who offer the GirlFriend Experience. That one term more than any other is a subject of fierce debate in the hoooker/john world. What exactly does it mean? Definitions vary, and we’ll get into those more in another installment. But for now, suffice to say that you’re paying for a more well-rounded, total experience. You’ll be spending time with a lady who tends to be a lower volume provider. That is, she usually is only seeing a small number of clients a day. This gets to be important… if you want a girl who’s had time to shower between clients. If that kinda thing isn’t important to you — well, it should be. You made sure to wash your sweaty balls before going to see her, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Well, a high class, GFE escort has made sure she’s fresh and clean for you, too.

From there, you start getting into escorts who offer multi-hour appointments, ladies who schedule overnight appointments, who have dinner date appointments, who are willing to travel to you in distant cities. All of that costs money, of course, but again, you get what you pay for. If that’s the level of service you want (and why shouldn’t you? An erudite man-of-the-world like you deserves nothing less) then start saving your money now. Overnight sessions, you can expect $2500 or more. If you’re interested in booking time with an established porn star (and there are a few out there who see clients) plan on spending upwards of $1000 per hour to start. Is it worth it? Hey, you’ve watched plenty of porn, you think that shit is easy?

So here’s the mechanics of the thing, and these rules hold true pretty much across the board at all price points. Rule number one: this is strictly a cash business. Sure, you can find escorts and agencies that will accept credit cards, but c’mon. You really want a hooker to have your credit card number? No matter how much you trust her, that’s a recipe for disaster. But have some fucking sense. You’re not gonna walk into a hotel room and hand some strange girl a wad of cash. Be discreet, mutherfucker. Have the cash (and it better all be there) in a small envelope, maybe put it in a thank-you card. When you get to the room, place the envelope in plain view on the nightstand. Sometimes she’ll take it into the bathroom. This is so she can count it without you watching (and so she can hide it so you can’t snatch it back).

If you’re really classy, maybe a small gift bag and card. But if you’re gonna do it that way, do it right and actually put a small gift in the small gift bag. Just sayin’.

Do not, under any circumstances, say anything to her about the money. “Hey, here’s your three hundred bucks cash, let’s get to fucking,” is a sure way to get your ass thrown out. Minus $300. It’s all about discretion.

So far, I’ve been working on the assumption that you’ll be visiting her at her location, whether her home, apartment or hotel. We haven’t gotten into the difference between incall (you go to her) and outcall (she comes to you). Both have their pros and cons. But that’s Part Three.

Read Part One.

Hooker Addict (@hookeraddict) has wasted much of the last few years wading through the local escort/hobbyist message boards. From finding a hooker to making the date, not getting ripped off or worse; this is about paying for sex. With actual cash. A few years ago, he became fascinated with streeetwalkers, but now the game has changed. Moved indoors, online. He’s just Some Guy, with no skills and no game. And he still gets more pussy than you.