Is Porn Destroying Your Sex Life?

Porn consumption has received a fair amount of attention in the media, but unfortunately, so far the conversation has been deeply polarizing, dividing people into one of two camps — the one that sees porn as a social blight and the other that sees porn as a legitimate form of entertainment that is being unnecessarily attacked by a sex-negative, hysterical minority. In conversations like these, it’s very easy to miss the nuance, which we desperately need.

Last week, the Canadian program 16×9 interviewed Gabe Deem — the 23-year-old founder of Reboot Nation, porn abuse assistance forum — about the impact pornography consumption had on his sex life. Deem described compulsive usage beginning in middle school, at which time he watched porn between three to four hours per day, a pattern that went on well into his adult life. Deem believes it was porn that resulted in his problems with erectile dysfunction in his twenties. While no medical literature exists about it at this point, the notion of “porn-induced erectile dysfunction” (PIED) has gained credence through anecdotal evidence discussed in a number of online forums and been popularized by the scientifically dubious television personality Dr. Oz.

A number of professionals, including clinician David J. Ley, don’t buy that there is a link between pornography and erectile dysfunction. “In fact, urologists and researchers have found that pornography viewing is an effective, noninvasive and reliable test for psychogenic erectile dysfunction,” he wrote in a Psychology Today column about the tenuous link. “One fascinating study identified that the brain activities of men watching pornography are not significantly different in men with and without erectile dysfunction.”

Ley, like others, think that the increase in younger men experiencing erectile dysfunction could be a product of increased willingness on the part of men to discuss the issue, which only makes it seem like it is happening more now than in decades prior. He worries that targeting porn as the culprit might blind us to the real cause — or causes — of sexual dysfunction, preventing young men from getting the help that they desperately need. Using tobacco, alcohol, and other substances, including prescription medications, for instance, has been shown to interfere with sexual function. Are these conversations looking at other factors?

Discussing the anti-pornography and masturbation forum “no-fap” on Reddit and others similar to the site Deem founded, Ley points out that “porn use reported by these individuals is not ‘a single variable’ but involves masturbation, and significant time on the Internet, affecting their daily schedule, physical health, relationships, etc. Any or all of these variables may also affect erectile function and are not discussed in a simplistic ‘blame-porn’ approach.”

That said, those anecdotes are important because they will compel the research that hopefully will begin to address the issue of erectile dysfunction among a younger age-group of men than has been traditionally explored. At the same time, it’s important to disentangle porn consumption and compulsive porn consumption to properly approach the topic. There are a number of people — even couples — who successfully use pornography to spice up their sex lives. That this is possible doesn’t mean that men like Deem are exaggerating or that a problem doesn’t exist. But until we accept that this isn’t a black and white issue with an answer that is either “porn is bad” or “porn is great,” we’re not going to get anywhere.

Secondly, we have to accept that masturbating to completion, as humans do, is not only not a bad thing, but an adaptive behavior. Masturbation is a good thing, a natural thing — even when a person is in a relationship.

Third, we have to understand the role that our imaginations play in sexuality. Using the imagination for the purpose of achieving orgasm — whether during masturbation or having sex — is also natural and useful for both men and women. Is the sexual imagination like a muscle we can work out or allow to atrophy? When we rely heavily on visual stimulation to masturbate to completion, are we undermining our ability to go to that imaginary place of sexual wonder that enables us to make ourselves cum when we’re with a partner or alone and without access to visual stimulation? If the answer to these questions is yes, is it possible to develop guidelines about safe pornography consumption?

These are the questions that we need to be asking. But if we mean to answer those questions, we need to go beyond the stimulus and try to understand the way sexuality itself works.

Header image by AV Flox.