Best Stocking Stuffer Idea: Dysfunctional Communication Tools

This gift idea list is all about taking the menial, day-to-day stuff of a relationship and learning to poke fun at yourself and each other. In short, it’s a guide to creating the best ever Dysfunctional Communication Toolkit. You’re excited, we know.

MEAN

Nag Note

Nagging is no fun, especially for those of us who live in fear of being called a nag. Take the word back with the Nag Note sticky note pad ($3.75), which makes nagging so amusing, it almost becomes fun. Can’t wrap your mind around the word “nag” even as a joke? Try the Don’t Forget To sticky instead.

Complaint

How can people know what they’re doing is displeasing unless you let them know? This little stack of Complaint post-its ($3.75) lets you specify exactly why someone is in the dog house. Need a little extra oomph to go with your complaint? Try the Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off sticky or the Sh*t List sticky.

Make A Decision

Decisions, decisions. We can get away from our jobs, but we can’t get away from decisions. It’s exhausting! Even more so when we depend on others to make a decision before we can decide on something ourselves. Well, we’re in luck. The Make A Decision pad ($4.50) helps spell out exactly what needs to be decided, the best case scenario, the worst (with a check box for Apocalypse!), the gut feelings involved, the pros and cons, the decision reached and the next steps. Great for working out crises together.

Passive Aggressive

Are the Nag Note and Complaint stickies too straight-forward? If you’re more the sort of person to express yourself in a thinly-veiled way, the Passive Aggressive note ($4.50) is right up your alley. You can select one or multiple infractions, then threaten the recipient with action: sulking, retaliation, another note, police intervention, and actual confrontation. The best part? The note ends with the words “Kisses and hugs!” Of course, if that’s not clear enough, you can always opt for the Hey A-Hole pad or the Go To Hell pad (yes, “in a handbasket” is an option!).

Deal with This

You need something done. The Deal with This stack of sticky notes ($3.75) lets you make that clear, with different options specifying the level of urgency (and or disapproval): immediately, whenever, by the end of the day, for the last time, within the week, and delegate. You can even add a note regarding how you want this thing done — and issue a threat! Of course, if you would rather go all out on the threat front, you can also check out the Or Else sticky.

We Need To Talk

No words strike more fear into the hearts of men and women than these four: We Need To Talk. Now you can take your abuse to the next level by leaving a paper trail of your cruelty with this sticky pad of We Need to Talk notes ($3.75). They give you options: sooner than later, about you, in private, loudly and long, in pig Latin, and over dinner. It even lets you check a box at the bottom letting the recipient know if they ought to worry. Use lipstick and erratic cursive or letters cut out from magazines to freak out the recipient and be sure to check the worry box several times with different color ink for extra effect, you little sadist!

SWEET

Sweet Nothing

Most of the time we leave others notes, it’s to remind them to do something — why not remind them how much they’re adored once in a while? The Sweet Nothing sticky ($3.75) lets you leave the message anywhere you like, while the Sweet Nothing pad <$4.50) gives you a little more room to wax poetic. Paper Pick-Up

Single? No problem. Skip the awkward conversation starter by reverting to junior high and passing a note. The Paper Pick-Up pad ($4.50) gives you plenty of options to pick from and many are so deranged, the recipient won’t be able to keep from smiling. Think of it as a sort of online dating profile. Only with built-in, only slightly psychotic-seeming jokes.

Apology

We all make mistakes and now, with Apology notes ($4.50), begging forgiveness is easier than ever. Pick from a selection of hilarious excuses for your bad behavior, among them: “I was traumatized in childhood” and “I’m a schmuck.” How could you possibly go wrong?

Thank You

This little Thank You post-it pad ($3.75) expresses gratitude. Pick any one of the check boxes — much appreciated, so helpful, forever indebted, made my day, shouldn’t have, you’re my hero — and fill in exactly why you’re thankful. Even those who are in the habit of sending thank you notes don’t often take the time to properly thank those with whom we share a home. Appreciation, you’ll find, leaves a lasting impression and is a powerful motivator.

Pep Talk

We all have days when we need a little encouragement. The Pep Talk notepad ($4.50) makes it easy to deliver the message, with a selection of ready-made encouragements to choose from: you can do it!, I’m rpoud of you, they’re all haters, it is what it is, you’re my hero!, it’s the journey, nobody’s perfect, it’s not you it’s him/her, and it could be worse. It also provides hilarious alternatives at the bottom for what to do if the note doesn’t help: eat ice cream, hug it out, punch a pillow, take to your bed, fake it, and you’re screwed. And if the recipient should succeed in surmounting their troubles, they may benefit from the High Five note or Great Job sticky.

Most hilarious stocking stuffers for yourselves and other couples ever.