Jun 22, 2010 • Daisy, Diary

Daisy Tralala Journey of a Submissive

It’s official. I am under consideration by Sir M. I’m off the market (so to speak). I’ve been given more restrictions. I am under scrutiny. I will be held to a higher standard and Sir M will expect improvement. My interactions with other Doms will be particularly restricted. And I am thrilled!

The “under consideration” period in the BDSM world is something like a trial period or an engagement. It could take any length of time and Sir M does not have a formal procedure in place. The desired outcome of being under consideration is that he will grant my petition to become his personal submissive.

And with this new commitment of being under consideration I will be collared. This will signify to the community that I’m Sir M’s personal property, and will show my devotion to him. It is a profound honor for me to wear Sir M’s collar.

The collar is a powerful symbol in the BDSM world, something like a wedding ring in the vanilla world. It says “BACK OFF” to other Doms.

I will always wear a collar (except possibly in the shower) to constantly remind myself who I am. It will reinforce the submissive identity that Sir M has taught me to embrace.

I shop, therefore I am

I was delighted when Sir M tasked me to find collars for him so I could choose. He made it clear that the collars will belong to him, not me.

“They are mine, just as you hope to be.”

He told me to find one for when I’m out in the vanilla world, and one for wearing at home and any time I’m with him.

He had me give him the collars that my previous owner S had given to me. They were tucked away in the small drawer of a Japanese chest under my bed.

“Those came from another Dom so they don’t belong in your possession any more.”

And so I started my search. I didn’t want anything that looked like the collar I typically wore when I was with S, a rather standard black leather padded strap with a D ring in front.

I came of age during the punk rock era, when the Sex Pistols reigned supreme. I always liked the bondage style that was popular in England then, with lots of aggressive studs and spikes and rings.

I tend to dress in black with architectural angles and clean lines so a black leather collar seemed a natural choice.

As I first searched online for collars, I was attracted to those punky styles. Soon I noticed that they were mostly modeled by male subs and available in larger sizes. Hmmm — I was choosing men’s collars. I thought they looked cool, but it occurred to me that Sir M would prefer me in something more feminine.

Next I stumbled across eternity collars. They are elegant and sleek and stealthy. Usually made from stainless steel, the eternity collar is locked with a screw to stay on permanently. I assumed they are worn by slaves in 24/7 relationships. How do they go through airport security with that metal?

Though aesthetically pleasing, that type of collar isn’t appropriate for my situation.

I searched extensively and just couldn’t find a collar that felt right for me. There was always something wrong: too flashy, too thick, too flimsy, too Goth, too ordinary. Admittedly, I’m also very fussy about clothing and jewelry and tend to have expensive taste. If Hermes made a collar like their studded leather cuffs, that would be the one I’d want.

The final cut

I presented about four or five options to Sir M. None were ideal but it was a good start.

One collar had a brass lion’s head with an O-ring thru it at the center — a nifty detail. A little bit country, a little bit rock ‘n roll.

Sir M’s comments were enlightening.

“Don’t choose the lion’s head unless it has some significance to you/us.”

It didn’t have any significance. In fact, it reminded me of a door knocker.

I showed him a two-toned (red and black) leather collar with D rings on either side. The rings are handy to attach a leash, chains, or other items to.

“The colors are nice but I don’t like two D rings. Also it looks like this fastens with a lock and I don’t want to use a lock. A buckle would be better.”

The top choice was a custom-made leather collar from a website that lets you design your own. You “build” the design online and choose all the colors and features. I chose a red leather exterior with black lambskin interior, and black rhinestones.

He liked it but didn’t love it and I’d have to admit, nor did I. I don’t think those collars were meant to be lived in like I will be doing with mine, and it probably would have gotten worn down quickly.

I went back and searched more and found the perfect one. Black sleek leather, 1” thick, with crystal rhinestones along the sides and an O ring in front. The look is a cross between punk princess and rhinestone cowgirl.

Locked up

My next task was to find a vanilla collar. I was really fond of the delicate sterling silver necklace with padlock charm that S had given me as a vanilla collar. But I needed to find something different. I decided it would be best to choose something heavier so I’d always be aware of it around my neck.

Sir M agreed.

I showed him a chunky sterling chain necklace with larger padlock, a knock-off of a Tiffany’s design.

“I like the idea of a more substantial chain. You are on the right track.”

However, he didn’t like the fact that the padlock served to hold the chain together.

I couldn’t find anything else I liked nearly as much. Then I had a brainstorm — to get the necklace and have a clasp attached, and hang the padlock as a pendant. That was the solution Sir M chose.

Both collars are on their way.

And this is another blissful day in my journey of submission.