How To Be An Ethical Bastard
Some of us are just not looking for a relationship. We have our reasonsÃ¢â‚¬â€and I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think there is anything necessarily wrong with it, assuming, of course, that you donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t behave like a total douchebag.
I wrote a piece for Manolith this week that spells out how to go about acquiring and keeping happy lovers.
Here’s a preview:
The object of your attention must be aware that you are not seeking a relationship. This doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t necessarily mean sitting the woman down before the first drink and spelling it out for her, but if youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re man enough and do, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the best way. Do not assume that your reputation precedes you. By this I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t mean a bad reputation, I mean a general understanding among members of your social circle that youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not the relationship kind.
Since I want a partnership where one party looks out for the other as friends do, and there is very little buddy about Ã¢â‚¬Å“fuck buddy,Ã¢â‚¬Â I avoid that term and put it like this: Ã¢â‚¬Å“IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not looking for an exclusive relationship. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m looking for a non-committed, long-term, mutually-beneficial partnership.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Now, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not saying that itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s bad to wish to have a purely physical relationship with someone. If thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what you want and thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what she wants, then by all means proceed. However, I should mention that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve never met a man who didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t eventually confess a degree of vexation at the idea that I only kept him around for sex.
ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s human nature. We want to be special. And we should be. Even if our particular brand of special doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t involve exclusivity. In any case: The key point here is that the terms of the relationship must be clear to all parties.
If you suspect you need to cloud your intentions because the person youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re pursuing wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t go for you unless you suggested youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d eventually be her man, you: a.) donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know how to pick your audience, b.) donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have balls, and c.) should probably stick to getting chicks drunk and taking them home, then never calling them again.
Remember one thing: in today’s world of digital nomads, it’s great folly to burn bridges.
You can read it all here.