The Weirdest Google Searches of 2011

We’ve never particularly cared much for site traffic. Sure, we care about your feedback in comments and e-mails, but we were never the sort of blog to give a hoot about “the numbers.” We’ve seen what gets big numbers: animated gifs featuring cats. We’ve no interest in cats, and given the number of people who follow us on social media to keep up with what we’re posting, neither do you.

We do, however, nevertheless have a dusty Google Analytics account, which we must confess became the source of great amusement over the weekend. Behold, the weirdest searches to result in some Slantist goodness:

1. vulva documents
2. balloon vagina
3. corvette labia
4. burn bra porn
5. Gumby porn
6. dolphin handjob
7. dr seuss wank
8. dora the explorer sex
9. i left my butt in san francisco
10. the erotic review escort arrested with your information
11. tiny dicks
12. dildo mold
13. labia of the day
14. tom wolfe gets fucked
15. cant remove dildo
16. nightguard for sex blow jobs
17. shoe ass insertion
18. dire sex
19. mastrubating with a hotdog
20. naughty crucifix
21. paraphilia gasmasks
22. fat guy food fuck
23. sandwich i’d like to fuck porn
24. slutty noms
25. handjob for science

The pressing questions that lead people here:

1. pussy where are you
2. how big does my penis have to be to have sex
3. do you make more money on your period as a stripper
4. is “pussy hair” flammable
5. do smart people watch porn
6. how to call demon for sex
7. is jared leto asexual
8. what is a fuck me shoe?
9. what is an emo on craigslist?
10. what is the best sandwich to have sex with

What is with all the sandwich sexing? Is that some kind of new thing that we missed?