The Weirdest Google Searches of 2011

Feb 08, 2012 • Culture, Feature, web

Weirdest Google queries of 2011

We’ve never particularly cared much for site traffic. Sure, we care about your feedback in comments and e-mails, but we were never the sort of blog to give a hoot about “the numbers.” We’ve seen what gets big numbers: animated gifs featuring cats. We’ve no interest in cats, and given the number of people who follow us on social media to keep up with what we’re posting, neither do you.

We do, however, nevertheless have a dusty Google Analytics account, which we must confess became the source of great amusement over the weekend. Behold, the weirdest searches to result in some Slantist goodness:

  1. vulva documents
  2. balloon vagina
  3. corvette labia
  4. burn bra porn
  5. Gumby porn
  6. dolphin handjob
  7. dr seuss wank
  8. dora the explorer sex
  9. i left my butt in san francisco
  10. the erotic review escort arrested with your information
  11. tiny dicks
  12. dildo mold
  13. labia of the day
  14. tom wolfe gets fucked
  15. cant remove dildo
  16. nightguard for sex blow jobs
  17. shoe ass insertion
  18. dire sex
  19. mastrubating with a hotdog
  20. naughty crucifix
  21. paraphilia gasmasks
  22. fat guy food fuck
  23. sandwich i’d like to fuck porn
  24. slutty noms
  25. handjob for science

The pressing questions that lead people here:

  1. pussy where are you
  2. how big does my penis have to be to have sex
  3. do you make more money on your period as a stripper
  4. is “pussy hair” flammable
  5. do smart people watch porn
  6. how to call demon for sex
  7. is jared leto asexual
  8. what is a fuck me shoe?
  9. what is an emo on craigslist?
  10. what is the best sandwich to have sex with

What is with all the sandwich sexing? Is that some kind of new thing that we missed?

  • Paul

    Wow! In a previous life I worked for a large public library and once during a shelf check found a (slightly stale) ham sandwich being used as a bookmark. Other unusual bookmarks colleagues have discovered include used tampons and a condom (did not hear whether it was used or not…)

    • A.V. Flox

      That’s incredible, Paul! A sandwich? Gross!

  • jaime lacson

    weird.. but in china 5000 years ago there’s a Sex Manual a guide for Chinese couples.

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