You Wish The Guys Who Texted You Were As Eloquent As Julian Assange

Julian Assange, editor-in-chief of the brutally transparent whistle-blowing website Wikileaks, has been taking a lot of flack in the blogs recently for some e-mails he sent in 2004. Gawker called them “creepy” and NakedCity NY thinks they’re tragic imitations of the Mystery Method.

We beg to differ. Compared to the missives we receive, written by people with an impoverished vocabulary who abuse the ellipsis and who, for some reason, believe emoticons are a proper form of punctuation, Assange’s messages are a dream come true. He even made a little cipher!

Come on, a cipher? That’s the hottest thing ever.

That’s not to say he didn’t make any errors. One should never persist after a woman makes it clear she doesn’t want to continue interacting, especially not by telephoning when she has not provided her phone number. But even his hurt, emo missives are artful:

“One girl’s weird, creepy stalker may well be — probably is — another girl’s dreamy totally romantic boyfriend,” writes Jen Doll at the Voice blog Runnin’ Scared. “If these emails are true (and the sexual molestation allegations are not), we think Assange would be a great catch for someone who’s a little bit nerdy, a little bit mathematical, a little bit needy, and way into poetical musings.”

Us, for example.

Alas, it looks like we’re going to have to settle for the brilliance of a partly-interested, “yo, where u at?” every three or so weekends. Yay for normal L.A. guys, etc. Gag.

E-mail screengrabs via Gawker.