“Pino is the first pleasure object ever created to satisfy the hedonistic sexual cravings and excesses exhibited by members of the financial world,” reads copy written by people still trapped in the 80s, somewhere between 9 1/2 Weeks and The Bonfire of the Vanities. The government bailouts, the foreclosure crisis, the resulting Occupy movement — none of these things exist in their suspended reality.

The idea that sexual content is only worth watching if doing so occurs without the consent of one or both people featured is disturbing. But that’s exactly what Alex Williams is yearning for in his New York Times piece as he rails against sex tapes created with the express purpose of being shared with the public. His comments are particularly insensitive in light of August reports of the execution of singer Hyon Song Wol, one-time girlfriend of North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, and 11 others, for filming themselves in a “pornographic” context.

The other day, we discovered a bizarre bit of American trivia that we just can’t leave alone: the candle salad. This “salad” consists of stacking some pineapple slices, putting a banana through them and topping it with a cherry. We thought it was a joke at first — until we found it in the 1957 edition of Betty Crocker’s Cookbook for Boys and Girls. “It’s better than a candle, because you can eat it!”

Why would someone attack a painting? Last week in Washington DC, a visitor to the National Gallery’s “Gauguin: Maker of Myth” exhibition took hold of the frame of the post impressionist’s artist’s Two Tahitian Women, then began to pound her fist against the plexiglas protecting the painting. A by-stander tackled the woman, enabling museum officers…continue reading.

On Monday, over 100 University of Southern California students marched in protest of the school’s inaction in response to a misogynist e-mail said to have originated among members of the school’s Kappa Sigma fraternity. To date, neither Kappa Sigma national nor USC have done anything. Students, worried about the sexism at their school, protested against this inaction.

Of all the things in the world to steal, why would you go for used sex toys? This is the sort of thing you might expect of a rejected lover, or a crazed stalker, but Mitchell Tice was apparently neither of these. No, the 40-year-old was an employee of the restaurant owned by the couple from whom he stole the goods.

While on the air with former Penthouse pet Sam Phillips on The Single Life, she told us that porn star and director Kimberly Kane had told her that semen is particularly painful when it gets in the eye because the sperm present are trying to impregnate the eyeball.

Woman’s Day October 1st issue features an advertorial for Summer’s Eve, a company that makes personal care products for women, which suggests that the best way to get a raise is to make sure one’s vagina is squeaky clean. Yikes.

A Brazilian restaurant by the name of Flimé in Berlin is opening its doors soon and advertising that it will offer gourmet human flesh dishes, based on the customs of the Wari tribe in the Amazon, said to be cannibalistic. Um, OK.

This is a bandeau bra for kids ages 4 to 6. It has cups and clear straps. Yeah, we get it, baby wants to be like mommy. But come on. What next? Baby corsets? We already have baby heels.