One in five women report masturbating at least once a week. Of those, almost 60 percent use a sex toy. Women who report masturbating score higher on a self-esteem index and have a more positive body image than those who don’t. Women who use sex toys report experiencing greater satisfaction with their partners.

Nutrisystem, the weightloss company behind the survey, found that 52 percent of women surveyed would take a summer without sex over gaining 10 pounds. A quarter of of men surveyed agreed.

Deep-water male squid are known to use a more primitive method, which involves somehow injecting their sperm into the female’s body. But how? A “strongly elongated penis.”

When the instructions include the line “you will need to measure the length and girth of your flaccid AND erect penis before completing this survey,” well, how could we NOT encourage participation?

A common superstition among strippers is that earnings are directly related to their menstrual cycles. When they’re ovulating, the theory goes, they make more money. Well, guess what? There may be some truth to that.

Are humans the only species that masturbates? Well, yes and no. We may not be the only species that likes to play with ourselves, but we appear to be the only species that does it for the explicit purpose of cumming. And we do it A LOT.

For many years now, scientists have been trying to come up with a reliable form of male contraceptive that isn’t a condom. Hormones don’t do the trick. So what did the scientists do? Polyester underpants.

Kissing rocks, bottom line. Today, it’s largely considered a sign of affection and/or desire in about 90 percent of the world. We know this — and if we don’t know, we suspect. But just what makes a kiss excellent?

Ah, we just dated ourselves citing a Bush song from 1999, didn’t we? What the hell, it’s a good song. And we’ve pretty much all had sex to The Science of Things (our editrix probably still does) and there’s no better intro for the sex chemistry 101 lesson we’re about to impart. So Whatever.

Slow news day? We always laugh when we see a story break about — gasp! — sleep sexing! OMG! Did you know people perform sex in their sleep sometimes? It’s a mainstream media favorite when pageviews need a lift. People love sex and it’s totally OK for the media to talk about it in the context of something involuntary.