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Instructional videos about sex are generally filled with fluffy “it’s OK to like sex, sex is natural” kid-gloved affirmations, and it makes our eyes roll so far back into our heads, we see our hypothalami. We’re tired of videos that claim to teach sex, but spend half the time apologizing about it, or assuring people it’s OK if you want to do things differently. This one is different. Finally.

We make our nerdiness no secret. We love all things nerd and we think it’s about time we really owned it. So we’ve created a new category: SciFet.

Ah, we just dated ourselves citing a Bush song from 1999, didn’t we? What the hell, it’s a good song. And we’ve pretty much all had sex to The Science of Things (our editrix probably still does) and there’s no better intro for the sex chemistry 101 lesson we’re about to impart. So Whatever.

Warren Ellis doesn’t like this picture.

You all know NSFW — Not Safe For Work. Or, at least you should, seeing how often we use it. Well, here’s something really clever: t-shirts for the naughty, clever, funemployed or just plain ol’ unemployed!

Get a load of this captcha (for those who don’t know, a “captcha” is a simple test used on a lot of sites to make sure comments or links aren’t being posted by a computer, or bot)!

We don’t know about you, but we can’t masturbate to the same thing forever. While we think Princess Leia’s gold bikini is iconic and part of every geek’s induction into the world of desire and delight, we think it high time we moved on to other things.

Slow news day? We always laugh when we see a story break about — gasp! — sleep sexing! OMG! Did you know people perform sex in their sleep sometimes? It’s a mainstream media favorite when pageviews need a lift. People love sex and it’s totally OK for the media to talk about it in the context of something involuntary.

“Daisy is the only person who’s ever managed to make me come from a blow job,” he said. Sudden silence. Both porn stars’ eyes went wide with amazement and all eyes were on me. The porn director glowed with a new-found respect for me. I could feel my cheeks burning, uncomfortable to suddenly be the center of attention of this flamboyant group.

Over drinks in WeHo, it occurred to us to ask Meg O’Brien about some private essentials — and because we’re not greedy, we now bring her knowledge to you. Just in time for summer, here are three products you absolutely cannot do without.