Are We Too Focused on Orgasms to Enjoy Sex?

Nov 11, 2010 • Opinion

Our editrix had a scathing piece on NakedCity LA a couple of days ago that questioned why so many news outlets were using a picture of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm as Sally in When Harry Met Sally on their articles discussing research being done on female pleasure and orgasm.

Not one to shy away from any topic, our favorite sex doc, Madeleine Castellanos took the opportunity to tackle fake orgasms on her own blog, aptly titled, Reclaim Your Sexuality. Her message resonates strongly with us, and we offer it here for your consideration:

Trouble is that the predominant message that is promoted by the media is that orgasm is the pinnacle of sexual pleasure. It is seen as the goal of sex and the marker by which people often judge their own ability to please their partners. But this is not necessarily so. Because pleasing one’s partner is a very subjective thing, each person has different criteria for what pleases them. Also, what pleases them and what they crave at any particular moment may be different from the day before. But people get stuck on this idea of “Did you cum?” Ironically, this same focus on orgasm creates the very pressure that influences some people to fake it. For others, the anxiety about whether or not they will produce an orgasm for their partner is enough to keep it from happening smoothly.

I have always thought that if you are faking orgasms on a regular basis, you are really cheating yourself. By faking it, you are not giving your partner an honest message, but instead allowing them to believe that a certain set of circumstances is what toots your horn. If this continues, it becomes more and more difficult to eventually be truthful about the situation, so you may never get around to the alternative sexual activities/positions that actually do allow you to reach orgasm. It also perpetuates the idea that orgasm is the be-all and end-all of sex. That simply devalues the enjoyment of the other 99% of sex.

Read the whole thing — trust us. It’s good for you.

Image by Maria Clara de Melo Costa.