Consumerist culture has packaged and sold so many things, we often lose touch with our creativity. If someone told you to plan out an evening of kink, then handed you a twenty and dropped you off at a sex shop, you’d be lucky if you left with some warming lube. In this economy, however, we can’t often afford to splurge on the wondrous accouterments of pleasure. So on a recent trip to CVS, we got creative. One kinky night for less than twenty bucks, coming right up.
You were into it. You like being told what to do, being restrained and made to beg. You didn’t mind the gag or the ropes. You didn’t even mind the duct tape even though it was a little tight. At least, you didn’t mind it until it was time to go back home and you noticed duct tape doesn’t just pull off.
Maybe you have no balls and can’t really offer a statement less vague than “this isn’t working.” Maybe you have and she just refuses to honor the breakup. Whatever the case (and yes, we’re totally judging you, as failure to disengage is a far more heinous crime than failure to engage), it’s time to call on your super douchebag powers. Ã¢â‚¬â€¹We have just the weapon for the task.
The one-handed bra-unhooking move — it’s a classic. We’ll probably never admit it to a man’s face, but when he reaches back there and unclasps our bras like it’s no big thing, we immediately endow him with epic brownie points. As to the ones who try and fail… we’d never admit this to their faces, either, but that’s nearly grounds for dismissal. What to do if you haven’t mastered this move?
Our editrix likes introductory e-mails from people she doesn’t know. At the risk of a whipping, we’re going to refrain from calling this practice slightly passÃƒÂ© and suggest, instead, that if the usual method of requesting a friendship without comment fails to result in a connection, consider sending a short message explaining who you are and why you want to connect with the person in question.