Porn doll and sex educator Ryan Keely couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed that every day another man asked her how to become a pornstar — not so they could hear helpful advice, either, but to assure her they fit the bill. Yeah, right.

Cattle are better tended on the way to the slaughterhouse than we are at airports at the hands of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). In a subversive act of revenge, a Colorado man has designed a line of undergarments for men and women made of weapons-grade tungsten lining to prevent the prying eyes of agents from feasting on our privates while in the x-ray.

Soldiers is a really appropriate nickname for sperm. Most people don’t know there are many different kinds of sperm that all work together to make sure you’re the father of that little kid no matter what you claim on the next Jerry Springer show. So far, we’ve identified four different kinds of sperm.

There are about 200-500 million sperm in your average ejaculation. Forget bragging about having a 10-inch penis, I wanna see your sperm count card! That’s the test of a true man! Sperm make up about 5 percent of the total semen amount. Looking back, we’re starting to pile on the proteins (enzymes, albumin, sperm). Proteins in general can be irritating. I’m starting to suspect the generally high protein amount is the possible culprit for the batter burn.

Ah, sexual head trauma. If we could count the IQ points lost on headboards and walls around the world, we’d probably cry. So we won’t. Anyway, today, you’re in luck — for around $460, now you can enjoy an altogether different kind of safe sex.

You’ve met the man of your dreams (or, at least, tonight’s dreams). You decide to practice the age-old tradition of going down — and we’re not talking about a trip to Venice… that’s just unthinkable. Everything’s going great, he’s ready to explode, and then — @#$%! Who just lit my eyes on fire?!

If you infer that I must enjoy sex because I write about it favorably, you’re correct: I do. This does not mean necessarily that I have it randomly. It just means I have good sex. In my experience, having good sex is more than being good at sex – it’s about picking suitable partners. That means that I have a very precise vetting process for potential partners.

All right, so not all of you are math geniuses who enjoy finding creative ways to render a selection of menu items — plus tax — into amusing number combinations. That’s OK, you didn’t like studying for math in high school either and you passed, right? Just do the same thing: copy the nerds.

The point of planning is not to carry out that plan to the letter. The real value of this process lies in taking the time to understand where we want to go and how we’re going to get there. Asking and answering those questions is what allows us to react to the unexpected in more intelligent and productive ways.

I know this will make me sound like a mom who makes you feel guilty for missing dinner by going on and on about how long she slaved over that hot stove, but I’ll say it anyway: being a Dom is a lot of work. For starters, there’s a ton of shit to buy, and…continue reading.