Cthulhu in Your Bedroom

Did you know that in some states sex toys can’t be shaped like human genitalia? It’s a weird obscenity thing, and toy manufacturers have found a thousand and one ways around it, with designs the masses have embraced. Thanks to popular shows and films, many designs — like the Jack Rabbit and Pearl Butterfly — have reached a certain renown.

We’ve never been too impressed with these designs. There’s just something strange about enjoying the undulations of a dolphin in one’s vagina, or being impaled over and over by Hello, Kitty.

But now! Now there is something we can really get down with. Introducing: Mythos, a Cthulhu-inspired dildo by Elastica Engineering.

For $200, you can select your color scheme of choice and claim the silicone tentacled monstrosity as your own.

At 11 inches in length and two in diameter, it’s the biggest you’ll get at Elastica, and quite possibly a few other places.

This is a toy for the geek that enjoys fine craftsmanship. We’ve never seen a more detailed piece — and it’s hand-sculpted and hand-painted down to the protruding clit-stimulating tentacle, and comes complete with a certificate in case you want to show off its one-of-a-kind collector’s item status.