Harry Potter XXX Parody is Silly, Uncreative, Creepy

A porn parody seeking to bring back a natural look! What are the odds of that? Actually, the odds are pretty high given we’re talking about the Harry Potter porn parody Hairy Twatter: In Search of Bush.

The erotic fan-fic around this movie franchise is so well-established at this point, Dreamzone literally had thousands — if not millions — of incredible stories online from which to draw inspiration. And yet here is their offering: it’s silly, lacking in creativity, not sexy and even creepy.

Yes, it’s creepy! Think about it — two boys force a secondary sexual characteristic (associated with the time one becomes capable of sexual reproduction) on their female classmates with no regard for their consent. These girls, aside from the pubic hair, otherwise remain exactly as they were — they’re minors at best, prepubescents at worst, sporting a physical characteristic that marks them as ready for sex even though the hair has no real relation to their hormonal or physiological development.

It’s meant to be campy, but it fails even there. We know how to suspend disbelief, we do. We want to believe. We just can’t let go with stuff like this. We need magic. This is not it.

Platform 69 1/2 is that way, for those of you interested in catching a ride to Whore Wart’s ($25.79). We’ll be staying Muggle-side this year.