When It Comes to Porn, No One Remembers the First Doctor
A few days ago, the adult online destination Wood Rocket announced it was casting for a Doctor Who porn parody, due out sometime in May. The media jumped on the story, but from AV Club to io9, it seems the axiom “you never forget your first Doctor” doesn’t extend to porn. This isn’t the first time the long-running popular BBC show will make an adult detour.
Shortly after its reboot in 2005, a number of porn parodies surfaced, including Abducted by the Daloids, in which the daleks come to Earth not to “exterminate! Exterminate!” but, rather “fornicate! Fornicate!”
That same year saw the release of Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks in which the Doctor travels through space with a sexy companion and a sex bot in a vessel called a TURDIS to fight the evil queen of the oversexed Phaleks on the planet Skrotum (in case you’re wondering, these “phaleks” have a mission to “lubricate! Lubricate!”). If you’re a Whovian, you’ll love Diamanda Hagan’s review of this film, as long as you don’t take some of those opinions too, too personally.
In any event, the following year brought us Doctor Screw, which took the porn parody into the realm of the series. There’s a whole season of adventures featuring the Doctor (played by porn actor Mark Sloan) and his companion Holly — and while playful and quite silly, it more than hits the spot. Sloan has the Eccleston “fantastic!” down. Check it out:
The “bigger on the inside” joke has been made — I’d tell you how many times but ah-ah-ah. Spoilers.
That’s not to say that there is no room for Wood Rocket’s parody, of course. There is always room for sexy in the Doctor universe (I mean, wasn’t that the whole point of Captain Jack? Though things really got dark fast with Torchwood, didn’t they? So much sex appeal, so little sexytime. Alas!). As the Doctor would say, “We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
And to answer the question, the first porn Doctor was Alicia Rhodes, who played Dr. Louise Flangebatter in Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks, all the while looking surprisingly like Billie Piper.
