And the Weirdest Arrest Ever Goes to…

Jan 31, 2012 • Crime, Local, News

a traffic kink

Umar Kahn is a 34-year-old computer technician who likes to drive around late at night. Nothing new there — late at night is the only time Los Angeles is not gridlocked in traffic. It’s probably the least annoying time to be on the road in this town. Unless you run a stop sign, that is.

So you get pulled over. Running a stop sign is not that big a deal when there’s no one else on the road. Maybe the cop will understand, you think as the Glendale officer makes his way up to your car. He knocks on the window. License and registration. You know the drill. The cop shines a light in your face. No biggie. You start explaining. Then the light shifts down to your lap.

You’re not wearing any pants.

This should be someone’s nightmare — you know, the L.A. version of showing up naked at a board meeting or to defend your dissertation. Except it’s not. This actually happened last week to the above-mentioned man.

According to CBS2, when the police asked the man to explain why he’d removed his pants and underwear, Kahn explained that he was sexually frustrated. He hadn’t had sex in a month, he told them.

Didn’t Glendale’s Police Department get it? Stripping in his car gave Kahn a sense of freedom. “My thing is the freedom,” the butt-ass naked man elaborated.

And it doesn’t stop there. LAist writes that the drives are only part of the kink. The plan, it seems, is to get high, drive around and find a cul-de-sac where Kahn can park and help himself relieve his sexual frustration.

“Los Angeles County Superior Court records indicate Kahn was convicted for indecent exposure in 1998,” writes LAist’s Lindsay Ross-Williams. He’s being investigated for a situation similar to this more recent incident, which unfolded a year ago — in Pomona! That’s 43 minutes away for those of you who are not from these parts. There is “getting around” and then there’s getting around!

We seriously can’t imagine any kink that’s more L.A., driving around desperately seeking parking, before one can actually get off. Come to think of, it sounds a lot like our sex lives. Except, you know, we wait until we get there to take off our pants.

Header photo by Daniel Echeverri.