Carnival of Judgment Presents: Watermelons

Lacey Wildd appeared on Dr. Drew On Call last week to discuss her breasts, which are currently an L-cup, soon to be a triple-M. The segment opens with Dr. Drew announcing, “joining me is Lacey Wildd, a mother who is risking her health and perhaps her family’s well-being to have a record-breaking endowment.” Below Wildd’s name on the marquee, the words “ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY” flash. Just in case the show’s angle was unclear to anyone.

Wildd mentions that she’s undertaken this journey as a means of making money to provide for her family, but that’s not interesting enough to discuss. More interesting is watching Dr. Drew picking up watermelons to illustrate how much it would hurt to have breasts of that size. The segment makes a return to the topic of how record-breaking breasts have economically assisted the Wildd family but the video on the HNL TV site cuts off before we can hear anything about it.

It’s just as well — that aspect is too human. It’s so much easier to say, “crazy woman with huge tits is clearly addicted to surgery!” than it is to say, “look at this woman with six kids and the way she has decided to undertake her survival.” Because that what it is. What do we really know about her? How fair is it to parade her around just to point and laugh? We all do what we need to do.

Clearly these implants pose a health risk, but we’re not going to judge her beyond that, and not more harshly than we judge ourselves — smokers and drinkers who unanimously love bacon. We are all constantly doing risky things to ourselves. Some of us do it because it feels good, some because it looks good, some because we just want to. This woman is doing it for money. Who is paying? She’s raising six kids this way? Alone? How did she get into it? That’s the story we would like to read. Or write.