Impregnate My Eyeball? Cum Again?

Cum in the eye. It happens even to the best of us.

While on the air with former Penthouse pet Sam Phillips on The Single Life, she told us that porn star and director Kimberly Kane had told her that semen is particularly painful when it gets in the eye because the sperm present are trying to impregnate the eyeball.

Say what? We hit up psychiatrist and sex therapist, Dr. Madeleine Castellanos to weigh in on the statement.

“Anything that gets in your eye that is not like normal saline will sting or bother,” Dr. Castellanos told us over Twitter. “[Sperm] can’t pass the cornea. Shampoo in the eye is much worse than sperm or semen. Tell them just to rinse already!”

To make sure we did our due diligence to the topic, we also presented the same question to Scicurious, who holds a PhD in physiology and a BS in biology:

“Getting semen in the eye might hurt,” she responded over e-mail. “But that’s probably not because the sperm are trying to get in the eyeball — though the sperm might be like ‘OMG! BIG ROUND THING! MUST IMPREGNATE!!!’ But let’s be honest, sperm aren’t much for deep thought. Sperm, and semen, contain a lot of enzymes which are used to dissolve the egg’s protective coat under normal conditions, and those might cause the pain if it gets in your eye. In addition, putting pretty much anything in the eye is going to hurt, so there’s that as well.”

It’s funny that Dr. Castellanos mentions shampoo being more painful because shampoo appears to have the preferred pH when it comes to dealing with the removal of freshly ejaculated semen. But use cool water! Warm water can cause the semen to clump around the lashes into a superglue-like mess. You don’t want that.

“Of course, swallowing eliminates that problem altogether,” Dr. Castellanos added.

Just make sure everyone has been tested for sexually transmitted illnesses and you’re set to go!