Is This What You Want? Friday Morning Wake-Up Call

Nov 06, 2009 • Homework

Think about the sex and relationship(s) you’re having. Is this what you want?

Debby Herbenick, a sex educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction is fully responsible for this morning’s post-adolescent existential crisis.

“Too often in love and in sex, we go with the flow. We think things are going well enough or there’s no apparent conflict (and many of us are scared of conflict) so as long as there are no rough waters, we think everything must be fine,” Herbenick writes in a column for Psychology Today. “We’re safe, comfortable, maybe we even think at times that safe and comfortable add up to happy. And then one day someone asks us what we want. And we realize–in a startlingly vulnerable moment–that maybe what we have or what we’ve chased after isn’t what we want after all.”

I want you to take some time this weekend and make a list of what you want. That’s right, kids. Homework.

“See where it takes you,” suggests Herbenick. “Hopefully, it will move you closer to a place that feels right and that, in the barest of moments, helps you to breathe out gently, knowing that you’ve found it (at last).”

OK, I’ll go first, off the top of my head (good luck reading it):


Now you go–and share the link!