Sex Writing 101

Nov 24, 2009 • Lessons

Every once in a while, a situation calls for it. You spent the hottest night with someone and you need to commemorate it. Hey, I’m not judging, we’re all oversharers here. Not to mention, there is nothing more erotic than being immortalized by a lover in well-written prose. But how to go about writing out the hot encounter?

In celebration of the Literary Review‘s Bad Sex Awards, I’ve written a list of important points to keep in mind when making the attempt.

Of course, there is something for which Miller must be commended, and that is his utter refusal to use ridiculous metaphors and similes when describing sex. Now, I have broken this rule, but as my English 202 teacher used to say in high school, “thou shalt only break rules knowingly.” Sometimes the character from whose point of view you’re operating needs it. Fine. Whatever you do, do it intentionally and don’t you dare overextend.

Key of Pleasure. Cherry Flip. Perfect Dream. Scarlet Marvel. Heart’s Desire. Fringed Beauty. Diamond Shiner. Lovely Dream. Cream Perfection. Burgundy Lace. Treasure. Doorman’s Favorite. Wonder of Spring. Red Paradise. Blushing Beauty. Deep River. Burning Desire. King’s Mountain. Finale. Dark Secret. Flaming Torch. Ruby Prince. Explosion. Final Touch. Garden Spot. Gold Crest. Imperial Giant. The Bishop. The Skipper. Temple of Beauty. Peach Blossom. Pink Jewel. Red Bouquet.

These are the names of tulips. Let us allow them to remain the names of tulips.

Go read all10 tips for hot written sex!