Smart Women Suck At Love

Nov 03, 2009 • Analyze This

An oldie but goodie because I’m feeling a little cranky up here in my ivory tower and misery loves company:

Dr. Robert Holden is the author of Success Intelligence and a firm believer that a high intelligence quotient spells doom in relationships.

In a piece at the Daily Mail, he explains:

IQ is all to do with your head and the meeting of minds. You could have two incredibly intellectual sparky people who know how to stimulate each other with a fantastic debate, but this in no way means they have what it takes for a long-term relationship. To have a successful relationship, you have to have a developed EQ which is emotional empathy and a respect for each other’s feelings.

The logic of emotions is different to the logic of thoughts. With a high IQ, we are often so headstrong that we over-ride what our heart is feeling. We essentially silence our emotions. Without the engagement of the head and the heart, relationships are not a safe place to be, but the bright woman is headstrong enough to tell herself that she will be able to make this work.

Often, people with a high IQ lack a genuine sense of self-acceptance which leads to a very tortured mental existence and constant mental self-flagellation. Your IQ might mean you are prone to being more judgmental than normal, and, therefore, you have more fear and anxiety in relationships than the average person. In general terms, it means that having a higher IQ doesn’t help you make better emotional decisions.

[You] try to approach love like they approach their careers–as an academic exercise. Sometimes you’ve got to drop your cast-iron pride and be willing to admit you’ve got it entirely wrong for Mr Right to show up at all.

Don’t be too quick; too quick to dismiss someone because they don’t know who ruled the Byzantine Empire, or too quick to give yourself entirely to someone just because they laughed at your joke.

Don’t be too dominant or competitive because that leads to short-term safety and long-term boredom. Finally, develop your EQ. Learn to have emotional strength which is about yielding, surrender, openness and a willingness to be vulnerable.

How’s that for a Tuesday morning? Yeah, I love you, too.

Thumbnail image by Sasha Wolff.